Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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