Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
