franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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