I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
