break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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