I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
