I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
