I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
