I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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