You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
