Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
