I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
