WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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