this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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