i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
