Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
