I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
