just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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