I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
