Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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