He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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