it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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