In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
