when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
