I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
