I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
