I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
