ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
