Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
