oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
