she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
