You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just blew my weed a kiss
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
