I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
