I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
