I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
