Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
