we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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