you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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