did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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