I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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