You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
