So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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