So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Randomize
