Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
