i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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