i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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