Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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