Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
