Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
