I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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