i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
