you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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